i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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