Duck Duck Cougar?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
