I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
