Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
