first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
