Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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