it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
