have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
