Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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