True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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