i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I AM VODKA MAN
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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