This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i think my cat just said my name.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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