Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He did a backflip because drugs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
