Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
