Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
