Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
