Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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