i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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