I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I die, sorry about rent.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
