Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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