then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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