also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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