I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
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