I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
