Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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