A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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