I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
