I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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