I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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