Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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