Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
