youre lurking in front of me
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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