Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
