You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
