I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
