Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
