If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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