Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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