yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
