3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
