i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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