we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
