I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
