that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
its not stalking. its research.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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