Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
