Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
