Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
