it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
