I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
honey bunches of taint.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
