I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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