So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
