He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
